


Dreams

by jenlouniverse



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: After Cuba, Charles Feels Too Much, Charles Is Always Sorry, Charles Is a Mess At Some Point, Dreams and Nightmares, Erik Didn't Left, Erik Is Taking Care of Charles, Feels Awkward but They Both Need It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 03:19:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13181271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenlouniverse/pseuds/jenlouniverse
Summary: Dreams. They say it's a wish your heart makes. A desire. When you dream about something, you wake up and you realise that you want it. When you dream about someone, you have new feelings toward them because you see them in a different way than usual.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before you go into it I want to tell you that it's my first Cherik so it's probably not really good :/ Also I'm French so I'm sorry for the mistakes...  
> Enjoy!

Charles knew that dreams weren't just _dreams_ and he knew that more than anyone else. Thanks to his studies in genetics and his power, he knew how the body worked, how the brain worked and how powerful it could be. That's why when he woke up this morning, he was  _ puzzled.  _ It's only when he opened his eyes that he realised the images that came through his mind. He closed his eyes but it was even worse. He felt - and is still feeling - weird, awkward and  _ ashamed? _ A crimson colour came to his face. ‘ _ Why now?’,  _ he thought, ‘ _ what happened so that  _ this _ came to my mind?’  _ He was almost feeling like a teenager again, being troubled by a single dream. 

Every time Charles had a dream - or worse, a nightmare - he  _ felt  _ it. Because of the power of his brain, every image coming when he was asleep turned into a memory, becoming something he had actually lived. Sometimes, mostly when he was tired - or drunk -, being able to make the distinction between the two could be really hard. He could 'remind' people of something that had happened one day until they make a strange face and tell him that nothing like this has ever happened. There was always this awkward silence, until someone finally says something to change the subject.

Having this powerful mutation was harder for Charles to handle than anyone thought. The worse was probably the temptation. Most people were thinking so loud, it was hard to resist. It’s like he was attracted to all these thoughts and he just wants to know more, know what people have in their minds, what they desire. Obviously, with time he managed to control that, but at some times, it could be harder. 

The same thing happened every time someone would ask him to look into their mind. As weird as it is, some people - mostly students but sometimes friends too - wanted a memory back or a thing they'd rather forget removed, which meant that he had to see the memory. Of course, most of the time, he kindly refuses knowing that if he does it with everybody, he wouldn't be able to handle all these memories and feelings that would come with it. Because when he accesses to someone's mind, Charles doesn’t just see the memory, but can also  _ feel  _ the memory _.  _ He feels what the person felt during the event, sharing and understanding the pain, the joy, the happiness and the fears. It worked the other way around though. When he was upset, angry or obsessed by something - or  _ someone _ \- his mind was like an open book as if his thoughts were written all over the walls where everybody could see them. When he was angry, that was probably the worse. You could hear the students shouting at each other at every corner of the mansion, from the library to the classrooms. 

The truth is, Charles tried not to use his power that much. He knew how powerful his mind could be and he hated being the one that could influence people just by one of his thoughts. When he had a request, it was very rare that people would say no and so every time, he would ask himself if the person really wanted to do it or if his brain had, somehow, made his way to the person next to him. So every time he felt like he had to ask : ‘Are you sure you don't mind?’ And of course people would say no. Charles also knew that people were a bit afraid of him. It was well hidden but it was in a lot of minds and he could see it when some people don't really look at him in the eyes or when they try to hide it, but then it actually becomes even more obvious. He still thought that his power was a wonderful gift and he knew that since he was a little child, but sometimes it was just too much.

 

Charles finally decided to get out of his bed before getting late and jumped in the shower. He thought that the hot water running along his hair and body would make him feel better, would make him forget, but it was worse. Not only the images but now the  _ feeling  _ came back through his mind, his body. He shivered and finished his shower with cold water in order to cool his body that was literally becoming a heater.

He knew he had to calm down before going to class because if not, every student would be able to see and feel his dream and this could never happened. He needed to bury that dream and never think about it ever again, no matter how good it felt. He shook his head to remove this thought, it  _ might  _ have been good, but it wasn't right. He didn't understand how this dream found its way to his brain, but he should not think about it anymore.

 

He went down the stairs to teach the first class of the day. He was happy. Seeing the mansion so full of life after all these years of loneliness made  _ him  _ feel full of life. The idea of creating this school was one of his best ideas. Not only his of course, Erik had helped too.  _ Erik. _ Charles shook his head again before walking into the classroom. Every student seemed to be here and so he started. 

He knew he was born for this. When he was in front of students he was more alive than ever. He always had this need to share all the wonderful things he knew. About mutants, their history, their fights, but also about the tensions rising in the world has it become slightly aware that some people have ‘something more’. The most important thing was to tell the students not to let the fear and anger of others affect them. Charles liked to think that this school was like some sort of bubble, protecting all the students from the mad world. Of course, he believed in peace and living all together but he wasn't sure that the humans were all ready for this. And even though he liked to think that the school was here for good and peaceful reasons, he couldn't fooled himself. He had to tell the students why the school opened and what it was meant for in the first place. 

Revenge created this school. They wanted to remove a threat, they lost some of their friends in the process and so they needed to be avenged. The school wasn’t a real school yet, but the first classes took place in this very mansion. Charles was the only teacher and that's when he knew he was born for this, pushing the students to their limits, showing them how powerful they could be and how worthy they were. Everybody was incredible, with unique powers and now he just couldn't help but get excited whenever a new student came at the school. 

He also felt like he needed to know each and every student and their powers. He always made sure that they were feeling at the right place in the mansion, he wanted them to feel at  _ home. _ Sometimes, some of them - the youngest most of the time - had trouble to fit in and being away from their parents, but Charles was always here to comfort them. When some parents weren't the kind to pretend like their children don't exist, some students would go back to their families. But except during the holidays like Christmas and such, it was very rare though. Everybody felt safe and happy here, in the mansion, and they wouldn't want to leave the place where they were so welcome for anything in the world.

The students were all listening to the story of how the school was created, except for some of them who found it more entertaining to play with their powers. Charles made an ‘internal warning’ to the students, in order to not disturb the class by interrupting his speech. 

He was telling the story probably for the thousandth time but could never get tired of it. It was a turning point in his life, one that came just after his graduation, and he could never forget it. His happiness spread into the room as he watched the students listening to him, all having a smile on their faces. 

His own smile started to fade when he came closer to the end of the story, the end of their first real fight. He didn't really like to tell this part but it was necessary so they could all understand the purpose of the school. After they had killed Shaw, after  _ Erik _ had killed Shaw, the man who could control metal didn't find the peace he had hoped for. He felt - he  _ knew _ even - that it was just a matter of time before humans would turn their back on them and, sadly, Charles had confirmed this terrible thought only seconds later. The people, the men, who were in the boats facing them, the men who were each other’s enemy less than a minute ago were now both targeted the mutants with their weapons. Thankfully, Erik had been able to stop everything before the final hit and everybody was relieved until, slowly, he had managed to turn the weapons the other way around so that they had been facing the boats. Fear and questions had raised among the mutants on the beach, they just didn't understand why Erik would do such a thing. Charles had had to stop him  _ physically _ , before anything they would regret happened. He had tackled his  _ friend _ on the sand, the weapons slightly dropping as Erik had been taken by surprise. 

An image came through Charles mind as he remembered the contact of his friend's fist in his face but tried to forget it, focusing back on the story.

Everybody had tried to stop Erik but with the metal on their suits, it was almost impossible until Alex blinded Erik with his red beam so Hank's agility could remove the helmet on his head. Charles then had been able to enter Erik's mind to calm him down and bring him peace. He had succeeded, but only after a long time since Erik was trying to resist. Then, the mutants all went back to the mansion as they tried to forget what Erik had  _ almost  _ done. Charles wasn't proud of what he did to his friend's mind without his permission but then he made the promise to never going in ever again. Erik only stayed after the event because he felt like he owed the team for finding and destroying Shaw when he probably couldn't have done it by himself. And even though he wasn't telling anyone, Erik felt like he finally belonged somewhere when he was in the team and, seeing and finding mutants with powers he would never think or dream of was also a good reason to stay.

 

It's only when the class ended that Charles felt like he was finally able to breathe again. He didn't know that  _ trying  _ to forget his dream would be so hard to handle, he almost felt like he just ran for a marathon. 

He suddenly noticed that he had talked about Erik  _ a lot. _ Was it because of the dream? Maybe. But it had probably nothing to do with it and he just didn't realise before that his friend had such a central piece in everything that had happened. 

He was free for the next hour so he decided to take something to eat - since he hasn't had the time this morning after his dream had made him ask himself a lot of questions - and take a walk in the huge garden to be away from people and think about all of this. An apple in his hand, he wondered. Why would he want, why would he  _ desire _ such a thing? ‘ _ Why this? Why Erik?’ _ He thought. 

Thankfully, the man causing trouble to the professor's mind was away for some weeks looking for some future students. ‘ _ Maybe it would have been easier to just talk to him about it.’ _ Charles rapidly shook his head at the thought, it would have been a terrible idea. No one should ever know about this. No one should ever know how their hands were intertwined, how close their body were to each other, what Erik was thinking during the moment. That was the worse. That was the thing that made his cheeks red and his heart beat fast. Charles could handle the image of their hands in one another, but Erik had let Charles enter his mind - something he didn’t let him do since Cuba - so that he could see what Erik felt and thought because he was too afraid to say all of it out loud. Charles shivered at the memory. In his dream he had  _ felt _ how Erik was feeling about him and, even though it troubled him so much he couldn't think about anything else, it felt good. In this dream it was like Charles had been waiting for this to happen since they first saw each other, when he dived to reach Erik underwater. He  _ wanted _ this to happen. He needed to be  _ this  _ close to Erik. In his dream, of course. 

He knew he liked boys for a long time now but  _ Erik? _ He didn't understand. Was it some kind of trick his mind was playing on him or was it really what he desired deep down? 

Once again his cheeks turned red like a teen with a crush as he took the final bite in his apple. This little thinking helped him, in a way, as he returned into the mansion for his next class. He told himself it was just a stupid dream because Erik was just a good friend and anyway,  _ if _ Charles ever wanted this, Erik would never feel  _ that _ way about him.

The professor told the story of the school to another group of students - feeling a bit more relieved after this little talk with himself. He even realised that at the previous class he didn't change the story with ‘more Erik’ in it and that it was just his dream that had slightly disturbed him. At the end of the day, the dream was forgotten, except for the feeling of peace and happiness that had surrounded him at the moment. He had never felt like this before and he wanted to feel this a little bit longer. He tried, nonetheless, to remove the fact that it came from Erik. Which was harder than he thought.

 

Two days later, the dream was away and Charles smiled every time he thought of it realising how dumb it was to overreact like he did. 

Even when, three months later, Erik came back from his little trip, Charles didn't feel anything. He was happy of course to see that his friend was finally here when it seemed he had been gone for so long, but nothing more. He had brought some young gifted teenagers along with him and Charles was making sure they were all okay about being here. 

When Charles and Erik took each new students to have a little chat with them, mostly to talk about their powers and how they discovered them, Charles was feeling alright and Erik’s presence didn’t disturb him like he thought it would.

Everything was back to normal, everybody was here, the new students found friends very soon and even the training sessions were going on pretty well. Everything was alright and Charles couldn't be happier. 


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the fact that he wanted so terribly to remove the dream from his mind, Charles couldn't let the feeling go. It was still here, in a corner of his mind, hidden, but still here. He couldn't believe that a simple dream could cause him so much trouble. He had his head in his hands and his elbows on his desk when someone knocked on the door of his office.

“Come in.” He said, rubbing his eyes to think about something else before the door opened, showing Erik. Of course, it had to be him.

“Charles, you are ten minutes late, we’re waiting for you for the training session.” Charles didn’t react. He was looking at Erik and so many questions came through his mind, like a tidal wave, but one mostly was on repeat. ‘ _Why this dream?’_ He had become obsessed with this question to which he still haven’t found an answer to and, being tired on top of all didn’t help. Everything was suddenly coming back. “Charles, my friend, are you ok?” Erik asked getting closer to his friend. Charles suddenly stood up, looking at his watch realising what Erik said when he walked into the room.

“Yeah, fine, just um, lost in my thoughts.” He said taking some papers and hurrying to the door but, before he could reach the doorknob, he felt a hand on his chest. He stopped, looked at the hand and, slowly, looked up to meet Erik’s grey eyes full of concern.

“What is it Charles?” Erik asked looking for an answer in his eyes. They were close. Too close. Charles backed off, a little afraid that his thought could go from his chest to Erik’s hand or that Erik would feel his heart beating faster.

“Nothing, I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” He let his right hand go through his hair and took a deep breath before opening the door and say, “Shall we?”

He knew Erik wasn’t convinced by what he had just said but he really was tired, and trying to avoid Erik’s gaze during the training session forced him to go to sleep right after it ended, even though the sun was only starting to set.

Despite being tired, once in his bed Charles couldn’t find sleep. He needed to find a solution. It’s only been a week since Erik came back and he had to concentrate so much to not let his thoughts go that he didn’t know how long he could hold it anymore. He had to be more careful but being so tired wasn’t helping. He finally manage to close his eyes, his knees against his chest before, slowly, falling asleep.

The moon was high in the sky when the young professor started to shuffle in his sleep. Something was wrong. He was surrounded by darkness. He didn’t know where he was or what was happening and this strange feeling was all over his body. He knew something bad was going to happen. He was _afraid._ He couldn’t hear, see or smell anything that would give him an idea of where he was. He tried to shout but no sound came out. He soon realised that he was having a nightmare. The kind of nightmare he couldn’t wake up from. He was _stuck_. A sudden flash of light forced him to shield his eyes with his right hand before they could adjust to the scene appearing in front of him. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Sebastian Shaw _alive_ in what looked like a sort of basement full of computers and screens - that were probably filming what was going on outside. He turned around to look behind him, total darkness. His legs almost failed him when he saw that Erik was here too, his back facing him and on his knees in front of Shaw who had both his hands on Erik’s shoulders. Charles tried to scream, but again, nothing came out. He tried to use his powers on Shaw, but it was no use because he had the helmet. Charles was helpless and could only watch the scene when a red colour started to glow on Shaw’s hands. Charles felt a shiver running down his spine as Shaw looked at him in the eyes, an evil smile on his face - which turned into a laugh when Erik disappeared to become dust. _‘NO! ERIK!’_ Charles screamed internally before he fell on his knees. He closed his eyes hoping he would wake up but he could still hear Shaw’s laugh and footsteps coming near him. His eyes still closed, Charles felt everything move like an earthquake and when he opened them to see what was going on, everything stopped. He felt his bed under him but almost fell from it as he moved back to get away from the _contact_ on both his shoulders. He was breathing hard and before his eyes could get use to the darkness of the room he heard someone.

“Charles, it’s ok, you were just having a nightmare.” He would recognise this voice by a thousand.

“Erik?” Charles asked still panting.

“Yes.” He simply said as he turned the light on and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his friend to recover. Fear can be seen in the eyes of the professor and Erik didn’t dare to ask him anything.

“B-but what are you doing here?” Charles asked as he slowly moved to a safer place on his bed.

“I heard you.”

“You heard me?” Had he screamed? Had the whole mansion heard him?

“Yes. In here.” Erik softly said pointing to his temple.

Charles didn’t know what to feel anymore. This meant that he had entered Erik’s mind without his permission. But on the other hand he was asleep so he couldn’t really help it, right? What if Erik had also felt what _he_ felt in this nightmare? The fear, the hate, the despair? He was overthinking and couldn’t control his mind. So he reached Erik’s mind and felt that his friends heart was beating really fast.

“Are you ok?” He asked as Charles didn’t say anything. They looked into each other eyes for a while before Charles looked down. He didn’t want Erik to see the red that was probably showing on his cheeks after looking into his beautiful eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Charles whispered.

The professor wasn’t really sure of what he was apologizing for. Was it for the dream? The thoughts that often came through his mind since then? For not being able to save him from Shaw? For entering his mind without his permission? For waking him up?Maybe all of it.

“Why are you apologizing for, my friend?”

“Because of this.” He said, putting two fingers on his temple just like Erik did a few seconds ago. Charles decided to go for the most tangible reason for his apology. He was still looking down but could feel Erik’s gaze on him as if he was forcing him to look into his eyes. But Charles knew that if he looked into Erik’s eyes, if he _lost_ himself into Erik’s grey eyes, he wouldn’t be able to control his thoughts.

It was clear to Charles now that he had new feeling towards his friend. As much as he didn’t want to admit it and as weird as it sounded, when Shaw took Erik’s life it was just as if the world had ended, like there was no reason for him to live anymore. He felt like Erik was the only thing left to him in the world and Shaw had took him away.

“No need for apology. I heard the hurt in your voice and it seemed legitimate to me to see what was happening.” Charles _knew_ that Erik wanted to see his eyes, to make sure he was okay before going back to his room but Charles kept staring at his hands, playing with his fingers. He didn’t really know why but his friend’s heart was still beating fast, even though it should have been back to its normal pace by now.

“Thank you for waking me up. And I’m sorry I woke _you_ up.” Charles said, apologizing once again.

“It’s alright, Charles, really. Are you sure you’re feeling better?” Charles wanted to thank Erik for not pushing him to tell his dream. He didn’t need to enter Erik’s mind to know that he was curious, but he also knew that if he wanted to keep it for himself then Erik would respect that.

Charles just nodded still looking down and he couldn’t help but feel Erik’s disappointment as the man stood up to leave the room. The fear came back in Charles as he felt Erik going away, the nightmare still very present in his mind. He looked up to watch Erik, but he had stopped. ‘ _Did he feel it?’_ Charles wondered. Erik looked at Charles, but the relief showing on his face soon went away _._ Charles felt his eyes watering and a tear rolled down his left cheek. Erik stayed in the room and came closer to his friend. He didn’t know what he would do but he couldn’t leave Charles like this.

“Y-You should go. Please. I-I’ll be alright.” Charles said, afraid that if Erik comes too close he wouldn’t be able to keep all his ‘secrets’.

“Don’t be stupid Charles, you’re crying. And you’re so afraid I can feel it too.”

“I’m sorry.” Now, Charles kept staring at Erik because he felt that if he looked away, even for one second, his friend would vanished and never come back.

“Really, stop apologizing,” Erik said with a little smile, sitting on the bed again and facing Charles. He knew that Erik didn’t know what to do and he was about to tell him to go when he heard something coming softly through his mind. _“Would you feel better if you share your nightmare?”_ Charles tilted his head to the left side, not sure if his friend meant what he said or if it was just a thought he heard when he wasn’t supposed to. Charles didn’t really want to answer because if he did and if Erik didn’t really mean it, it would mean that Charles had read Erik’s mind, but he made the _promise_ that he would never do it again. Charles was starting to overthink and so with their eyes still locked on each other, he let his answer slipped out of his mind. _“I’m not sure that would be a good idea.”_

His voice was weak and still shaky from all the emotions, even though he could feel the fear slowly going away. Erik must have known that the silent conversation made Charles felt better because then, he heard. _“Can I do anything for you? Something that can make you feel better or forget, maybe?”_ Charles’ eyes widened and even though this silent conversation helped his brain to focus on something else, the words that Erik had just said brought back things and images he thought - he hoped - he had forgotten. _“No! I-”_ but tired of holding so many things he looked down, sighed and let his mind speaks. _“Your presence here is enough. Just- please don’t leave me.”_ Erik didn’t say anything but instead lay down on the bed next to Charles.

“Wh-What are you doing?” Charles asked out loud looking down at Erik who just put his hands behind his head. The answer was silent and Erik was smiling. _“Staying with you. Not leaving you.”_ Seeing Erik’s smile made Charles feel better and he slowly left his sitting position to lie down in his bed again.

It wasn’t long before Charles heard the breath of the man next to him having a regular pace and so he watched his chest slowly rising and falling. He even wondered what it would be like to lie his head on his chest. He smiled at the thought, aware that Erik was sleeping and that he couldn’t hear his thoughts. He wasn’t afraid anymore, he knew Erik was safe and his mind had stopped jumping from one idea to the other - or at least in a slower way. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep but watching Erik’s face, so peaceful, so calm, made him feel much better and all the dark and negative thoughts from the nightmare were suddenly gone.

  
  


“I can feel you staring at me, Charles.” Erik said with his morning raspy voice, his eyes still closed. Charles blushed saying a silent _“Sorry.”_

“Did you get any sleep?” Erik added, rubbing his eyes before pushing himself into a sitting position. He looked at Charles and knew the answer before the man could shake his head no.

“But your presence _did_ help. Thank you.” Charles said after clearing his throat.

“Was it really _this_ bad?” Erik couldn’t help but asked.

“Yes. But I-I don’t want to think about it.”

“It’s ok, I understand. Are you feeling better at least?” Erik asked getting off of the bed.

“Yes, I guess.” Charles said while getting up too.

“Well, maybe a good breakfast will make you feel better.” Erik said trying to cheer up his friend and moving around the bed to pat his shoulder.

Before he knew it, Charles was hugging his friend, placing both his arms on his back. Charles rested his head on his chest and heard that his heart was beating a little faster than it should. Charles couldn’t help but blushed and before removing his arms to not make things more awkward, Erik closed his arms around him. They had never done this before but, to Charles, it felt like they had done this forever.

Charles said a soft _“Thank you”_ and he closed his eyes to _feel_ the moment. He was feeling better and he didn’t how but he felt like he was invincible, unbreakable but also peaceful and happy.

After some time, they broke apart but Charles couldn’t dare to look at Erik. For him, the sensations he felt were Erik’s. He was surprised that his friend had responded to the gesture but the heat in his cheeks seemed to tell him that he shouldn’t have done this. His heart was telling something else. He felt so much better in Erik’s arms, he felt protected, safe, so far away from his room and his nightmare. And right now, he almost felt as good and as happy as he was in the dream.

“I’m sorry I-” Charles started to say to explain for his gesture.

“It’s fine, Charles. I know you needed this.”

“Thank you.”

“Come on, stop thanking me, my friend. I didn’t really do anything. Let’s go get some breakfast, shall we?”

Charles nodded and smiled when he saw Erik’s smile.

They went down the stairs to the kitchen, where they were greeted by some students who were already having breakfast.

Erik put a hand on Charles’ right shoulder to show him he was here, but Charles’ mood had cheered up at the second they entered the room full of students. He felt the happiness and the admiration coming from them. They took their breakfast all together, talking about classes and other students and Charles’ nightmare was nothing more than a distant memory.

But every time the darkness came back though, so were the fear, the helplessness, the pain, the end of all hope.

  
  


Charles was curled up in his bed, trying - like every night for a week now - to remember happy thoughts, happy memories but nothing came. No matter how hard he told himself that losing Erik was just a nightmare and that it would never happen since Shaw was dead, the feelings were still here, eating him slowly on the inside.

It was nearly 4 a.m when he left his bed to go to the bathroom. He took a look at himself in the mirror. Bad idea. It was like all the happiness had been drawn out of him. His blue eyes were lifeless, almost grey, and there were dark rings under his eyes due to the lack of sleep. His hair which had grown a little since Cuba were falling on his pale face. He looked miserable.

He opened the cupboard before he could smash it - he couldn’t stand looking at him anymore. His eyes took a look on the different orange bottles in front of him just like yesterday’s night. But unlike yesterday, his hand reached, without thinking, for the sleeping pills. He looked at the precautions - stared at them actually - before he closed the cupboard. He opened the bottle and when he looked up he saw his face telling him _‘What the fuck are you doing?’_ He hesitated. Did he really want to do this? Was this the ultimate solution? He let two pills fall in his right hand and stared at them. For a very long time. Hundreds of questions and mixed feelings were stopping him. He was overthinking. Again. Not being able to make up his mind made him angry and with watery eyes he just throw the little bottle across the room. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.

He went back to his bed closed his eyes, only to see Erik disappear, again and again.

He only manage to get a few minutes of sleep before he had to get up again. He had so many things to do. At least today he had to stay in his office and with a little luck nobody would come and see him. He looked at the files on his desk but couldn’t focused on them. The second he laid his eyes on the papers his vision would become blurry. His head was starting to ache and it was only getting worse.

After a few hours, Charles was actually feeling better, working and sorting the files helped him forget what he was so worried about. He was about to look at another one when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." He said before getting up. Erik was standing there and Charles' heart slightly jumped.

"Hello, my friend," Erik said putting his hands in his pockets. "I was about t- Charles are you alright?" Erik's expression suddenly changed when he saw the dark circles under Charles' eyes.

"Yes, of course," Charles lied, "there's just a lot of work with the new students and I- nevermind. So you were about to?" Charles didn't want to worry his friend by telling him about his nightmares that didn't stop, always darker and darker and always ending up with everyone dying.

"Are you sure?" Erik said after looking at his friend for a while. "Because I'm sorry but, you look terrible."

"Thank you for the compliment," Charles said with a little smile, knowing that Erik wanted to light up his mood.

"What do you say we go on a walk in the forest, behind the school?" Erik asked. Charles looked up, a little surprised before Erik added, "I'm going out with one of the classes and I thought, maybe, you would like to come with us?"

"I- I don't know I still have a lot of work to do, Erik." Charles said showing the little pile of files on his desk.

"Charles, it's Saturday, you need to take a break." Erik said with concern in his voice.

"Maybe later, I really need to take care of those." Charles answered, going back behind his desk when he saw Erik coming his way. He was afraid that a thought would slip out of his mind so now, for him, the farthest Erik was, the better it was.

"Ok." Erik simply said before going away.

  
  


He didn't understand why Charles wouldn't tell him what wasn't right. He knew it. Just when he had entered the room, his mood had changed from alright to tired as if he hasn’t sleep for days and he knew that was how Charles was feeling. Erik went to his class but told himself he would have to check on Charles later.

  
  


After Erik left, the last bit of concentration Charles had left him, and he just put his head in his hand before closing his eyes.

  
  


Charles suddenly raised his head, and slowly realised that he had fallen asleep on his desk. He woke up because of another nightmare involving the school burning with no one alive but him. Again. Het got up, more tired than he was before and went to his bedroom, he couldn't work anyway.

Just like a few hours ago, he went to his bathroom. He couldn't resist anymore. He was tired of being so afraid all the time and, mostly, he was tired of being tired. He took two sleeping pills and swallowed them without water. Then, he took a book about genetics and lie down in his bed waiting for the pills to be effective.

  
  


When the sun started to set, Erik came back from the trip with his class. He thought that the training sessions were a lot better when the students were in a place where they could feel safe and free, without the thought of hurting others.

Right after he was sure every student was back, he went to Charles’ office to see if his friend was still working. He knocked on the door but received no reply. Erik assumed that Charles had finally stopped working and so he went down to the kitchen to eat something. But he wasn’t actually hungry, he was worried. Even though it was probably nothing, he needed to know where Charles was. He needed to be sure that his friend was ok.

He went to Charles’ bedroom and knocked on the door. No reply. He tried to open the door with his power but, the door was already unlocked. Relief ran through him as he saw Charles asleep on his bed. He came closer to his friend and took the book in his hands to put it away. The dark circles were still quite visible under his eyes but, at least, Charles was sleeping. Erik took the blanket at the end of the bed and put it on Charles so he wouldn’t be cold. Erik thought about staying here, to look after his friend, make sure that nightmares wouldn’t come to haunt him but, decided against because what would Charles say if he saw Erik watching him sleep?

 


	3. Chapter 3

On Monday, Charles was walking in the school and he felt better. The dark circles were gone and his pale face had found some colours again. He was even smiling while chatting with some students. He slept all weekend, taking pills every time a nightmare would wake him up. He knew it wasn’t the right thing to do and, maybe, talking to someone about those nightmares would make him feel better, but he didn’t want to worry anyone. They were just nightmare, right? And at least he was sleeping.

“I see you are feeling better, my friend.” Charles turned to the left to see Erik and he heard the students saying a “thank you professor” before leaving. Charles puts his hands in his pocket and started to walk with Erik.

“Yes I do.” Walking allowed him to focus more on his steps than his thoughts but also avoid Erik’s gaze.

“So I suppose you slept rather a long time?” Erik asked, amusement in his voice.

“Almost all weekend actually.” Charles answered. He faked a smile to make sure his friend would buy the lie. Erik didn’t have to know about what he does.

“Any nightmares?” Charles was surprised that Erik would ask such a question so he looked at him for a few second before shaking his head no, as if saying it would instantly show he was lying.

They continued to walk a little and when they reached outside, Erik asked.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better?”

“Yes, of course, why would you ask?” Charles was actually starting to get angry. He knew his friend was just concerned about him but he was a grown up man and he could take care of himself.

“I don’t know. You’re just, silent.”

“Well, I slept all weekend so I don’t have much to talk about.” He tried to make it as a joke but it sounded harsher than he thought and he instantly apologize to his friend.

“It’s ok, don’t worry, I get it. It’s just-” But Erik didn’t finished his sentence.

“What?” Charles asked, finally looking at Erik to see that this time it was his friend who avoided his look.

They had stopped walking and Erik put a hand through his hair, as if he was _nervous?_ Charles wanted to take a look at his mind to see what it was all about. Erik was never nervous or hesitating, he always says what comes through his mind. Sometimes, you could even think that he will say some nonsense stuff when he answers you so quickly, but his words were always carefully chosen. It always looked like he had already seen the conversation before having it.

“It’s- Since last time I know something's different and I don’t know what it is and you’re just not telling me. I know and I respect the fact that you won’t tell me about your nightmares, I have no right to know them, but you helped me so much in the past and I just want to do the same for you today.”

Charles’ mood changed from angry to... he didn’t really know what, actually. So Erik felt _helpless?_ And when he said ‘last time’, was he talking about the night he stayed with him? Erik wasn’t really the type of person who would show his feelings. That didn’t mean he couldn’t feel, of course, but it was rare for him to speak about it. Even after all this time of knowing each other Charles never knew what Erik was thinking about. Except when he would enter his mind Charles could never ‘read’ Erik. Not like he can do it on so many other people. Of course, it’s easier to see their minds but sometimes seeing someone’s face says it all. But not Erik. Erik was unreadable. Charles didn’t say anything, still trying to process why would Erik say that, when he heard his friend speaking with his german accent.

“Sorry, forget what I just said.” And Erik was back to his ‘normal’ self.

“No, d-don’t apologise.” Charles immediately said reassuring his friend. “It’s just, I didn’t know you felt that way and really, I’m alright, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Charles, stop.”

“Stop what?”

“I know you’re lying to me, Charles. I know you. And of course I worry about you, you are my _friend,_ it’s impossible for me to _not_ worry about you.”

Once again, Charles didn’t know what to say. He was angry minutes ago because he didn’t want Erik to be worried about him but now he felt _bad_ because of it. They looked into each other eyes for some time. Erik stayed exactly as he was but Charles started to feel the fear coming back. The fear that Erik would know. The fear that if Erik knows when he is lying what would he do then?

“Forget about it,” Erik said looking towards the mansion. “Let’s go back.”

Charles didn’t have to be in Erik’s mind to feel the exasperation and the disappointment in Erik’s voice as they walk back in silence to the school.

  
  


After this they just started to avoid each other. Charles knew he would lie to Erik again and he didn’t want him to find out, and Erik was waiting for Charles to come and tell him everything when he’ll feel like it, which could be a long time.

The looks didn’t stop, though, and it’s often Charles who would look away first, as if Erik had the power to see the truth through his eyes.

  
  


On Saturday, Charles woke up by someone shaking him and suddenly a lot of noise came to his ears. He looked at the time, 5 p.m.

“Charles, wake up we have a situation, we need you!”

He recognised Erik’s voice and shook his head to wake up. He didn’t understand what was happening and only seconds later he was up and in the middle of the “situation”.

Everything, _every_ single thing was flying around them, books, chairs, pens, _everything._

“She’s losing control, Charles, you need to help her.” Erik screamed over the rumble. “I can hold her against the wall with a chair but it won’t last long, she’s strong.”

It took some time for Charles to figure out what was really happening. It was one of his student. Jean Grey, if he remembers well. The young girl with the red hair and the telekinetic power. Obviously. It was hard to get close to her since everything was flying all around them, but he saw Erik helping by pushing away from him any metallic object. Charles came closer, put two fingers to his temple and accessed Jean’s mind but at the second he was in, he was pushed away as if someone had punched him in the face. He looked furtively at Erik who seemed angry, but Charles decided to forget it before trying again. After two or three times without any results, he screamed.

“I can’t do it Erik, she’s too strong.”

“I know you can Charles, you just need to focus on her and not on what’s going on around you! You need to forget everything that is happening!” Erik answered.

Charles knew that of course, and he had tried that, but the truth is that the sleeping pills were making him weaker. And it’s been a long time since he really used his power. The last time was in Cuba.

“I’m here ok?” Erik said putting a hand on Charles’ shoulder as if he knew what Charles was thinking about. “Just focus, find where it all comes from.”

Charles closed his eyes, he felt how calm Erik was and forgot about the sound around him until the whole room disappeared. It was all dark, he couldn’t find anything, but he knew he had reached her. And he knew he won’t be able to be there for very long. _“Jean,”_ he tried, _“Jean, find your way, follow my voice. You’re safe. You’re at the school, you’re safe with us. Come back to us.”_ He repeated this several times. He didn’t know if she had actually heard him but he was sure he was _in_ her.

Erik’s hand was still on his shoulder when Charles opened his eyes and he saw that all the furnitures were on the floor. He just heard Erik saying something about taking Jean to the lab and the name of Hank before everything went dark.

  
  


Charles woke up and suddenly everything came back.

“Jean!” Was it a dream? Why was he in his bed?

“She is alright, don’t worry.”

He sat down, the covers still on his legs and turned his head to the right to see that Erik was sitting there. He saw a fire in the fireplace and when he looked through the window, he saw that it was pitch-dark outside. He looked at Erik again, his arms were crossed and he had the same look in his eyes than the one he had when they tried to save Jean. Anger.

None of them dared to speak and when Charles finally looked up and opened his mouth to ask what happened, Erik cut him off.

“What is this?” He asked holding a little orange bottle between two fingers. His voice was calm but everything about him seemed tense, his body, his jaws, his look.

“Um- sleeping pills?” Charles tried to sound casual, but his voice didn’t sound as normal as he wanted to. He knew that this conversation would come one day. He couldn’t keep the secret forever. Especially not to his best friend.

“Are you taking these?” Erik asked, his voice still so calm.

“Yes.” There was no point in denying it anymore.

“How many?”

“Why would you ask?” Charles said running a hand through his hair and starting to get annoyed. He didn’t want to talk about this. He already knew that it wasn’t right and he didn’t need his best friend to remind him about that.

“How many?” Erik raised his voice as if to say that avoiding the subject was totally out of the question.

“I- I don’t know. Usually two, every time I want to sleep.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you take these?”

“Because I’m human and I need to sleep.”

“Don’t you dare do this to me Charles. I told you before, I know when you’re lying.” Erik stood up and started to pace around the room. “Is it because of the nightmares?” Though he could still hear anger in Erik’s voice, Charles couldn’t help but noticed that his voice became softer when he asked about the ,ightmares.

“Yes.”

“You know there are other solutions, right?”

“Yeah, like what?”

“Talk to someone maybe? Has this idea ever crossed your mind?”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with the pills.” Charles said avoiding Erik’s question again.

“You don’t… Charles it starts with the sleeping pills and then what? You take vitamins during the day because you always feel like you’re going to fall asleep and then painkillers because you just can’t take all of it? These can kill you in the end, you know? And what about your powers then, uh?”

“I think you’re a little overreacting, they are just sleeping pills and I’m perfectly fine I just need a little help to fall asleep.”

“No you’re not fine Charles, stop lying! You’ve been asleep for three days and right after you fainted we didn’t even know if you’d wake up.”

Erik sat down on the chair again and stared at him. One of his fist was clenched and his other hand still had the bottle. Three days, really? Charles crossed his legs and looked at his hands, as if they could gave him an answer to what was happening to him. From the beginning he knew that he shouldn’t have taken those pills, but what was he supposed to do? Not sleeping could have killed him too. Tell someone? Tell _Erik_? But that would also mean he had to admit his feeling towards him. But then isn’t it normal to feel worried for his best friend, to feel so devastated after seeing him dead?

“Why won’t you tell me what happened?” Erik asked snapping Charles out of his thoughts.

“I can’t.” Charles answered still looking at his hands.

“Why? You know everything about me, about my past and you, you just won’t tell me about a nightmare?” Charles could feel the hurt in his voice, even though his face was so calm.

“It’s not just _a_ nightmare, Erik. It’s nightmares and sometimes even twice in only three hours of sleep.” Charles said looking at Erik with, he knew, fear in his blue eyes. “And I’m trapped I can’t get away, I have to watch it, all the time.”

“Watch what?” Erik said, thinking he could finally get Charles to tell him.

“Nevermind, you can’t understand.” Charles said sighing.

“Me? I can’t understand? Charles, I’m your friend.”

“You can’t understand,” Charles said, raising his voice a little and getting up to pace around the room, just like Erik did seconds ago. “You won’t understand how it feels. It- It’s just not bearable. The _pain_. I can’t even find the words to describe it. It’s just so horrible, every single time.” He ran a hand through his hair. Just by saying this, images of Erik dying, of the school burning, of everyone he loved and cared about being in pain came back and he had to sit down on his bed again.

“Of course I can understand,” Charles looked up at Erik as if he had misunderstood what he had said. “Do you think I slept well after all these years with Shaw? Don’t you think I still have those nightmares? I see him everytime I close my eyes and lay my head on the pillow. And I heard you, the other night when you reached me, and I felt what you felt because your powers were so messed up you were projecting. I heard you scream my name with fear, hate and despair and I don’t know what your nightmare was about but I can handle it. You’ve seen my past Charles, do you really think I won’t understand what you’re going through?”

Charles looked into Erik’s grey eyes, and knew that everything he just said was true. He had seen what happened to Erik. He had seen and felt all the pain and suffering he went through from his younger years with Shaw to his older self, always struggling with the memories he had and couldn’t remove. Charles realised that he had been so selfish thinking about his nightmares that he forget about Erik’s. He knew that killing Shaw wouldn’t solve everything for Erik, he had seen it when he calmed him down on the beach, back in Cuba. He knew more than anyone that memories cannot be erased, they always come back, one way or another.

Erik came closer to him, leaving his chair to kneel in front of him. He looked up to meet Charles blue eyes and took both his hands in his to bring them to his temples.

“If you can’t tell me, show me, Charles, let me help you like you helped me. Let me ease the pain.” Erik then closed his eyes, ready to see what Charles would show him.

Charles eyes started to water. As long as he can remember, no one had cared this much for him. He was never close to his parents, and Raven was her sister so they’ve always cared for each other since the very beginning. Just like any other siblings would. But with Erik it was different and the new feelings he has developed towards him weren’t helping. In this moment, he thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , Erik was feeling the same thing about him.

Charles really hopped that Erik wouldn’t feel what he was feeling right now. But he really wanted to show him his nightmares or at least, show him the one with the school ending in flames and not one that involved just Erik, but he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Charles closed his eyes and let a tear rolled on his cheek while he let his hands fall from Erik’s grip, but keeping them close to his face until he reached Erik’s jaws. He took a deep breathe in before opening his eyes and put his hands on his knee and look at them. Now, he was, once again, afraid to lose Erik.

“I trust you, Erik, really,” he said when his friend stood up and put his hands in his pockets. “And I know you’re strong enough to take it. It’s me who can’t. It- It’s too hard. I don’t want to live it all again. I don’t think I can handle it anymore. It’s always so terrible, you know, deaths everywhere, everything ending, it’s…”

“...as if the world ends with nothing left behind, but you.”

“What?” Charles asked looking at Erik, not sure about what he heard.

“It’s as if the world ends with nothing left behind, but you.” Erik repeated before sitting next to Charles. “I told you I felt what you felt the other night. You weren’t controlling your powers and you projected all your feelings to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Charles didn’t know what else to say.

“Don’t be.” Erik said with a comforting smile before he yawned. “We should get some rest now.”

“Erik, I’ve slept for three days, I’m not…” but Charles was interrupted by a yawn.

“Of course you’re tired, you were close to coma and coma isn’t sleeping so go back to bed now.”

“Erik, can I ask you something?” Charles said feeling his cheek turned red.

“Yes.”

“Would you mind… Ah, no, forget about it, it’s stupid.”

“Do you want me to stay here?” Charles’ heart skipped a beat before he looked at Erik, who wore a little smile on his face. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s not my fault if you’re so obvious.”

“I’m not!” Charles said to defend himself while Erik went to the other side of the bed, but still standing.

“Charles, I can read you like an open book.”

“No you can’t.” Charles replied before sitting properly on his bed, his back against the pillows. “And should I remind you that _I_ am the one who can read minds here?”

Charles started to feel really tired and the warmth of the fire was telling him to just lie down, but being here with Erik was too important to fall asleep right now, especially when he sees him gone every time he closes his eyes. And he had missed this. He had missed him. He had missed his friend. He hated being away from him, he’s always hated it. He needed to have him in sight, to make sure he was always ok, to make sure that Erik will never leave him.

“Well, you’re not really good at this lately, are you?” Erik pauses but instantly knew he made a mistake. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, you’re right, I guess I deserve it. I shouldn’t have taken those pills in the first place.”

There was an awkward silence where only the crackling of the flames could be heard, and after what feels like forever, Erik finally broke it.

“Do you want me to leave?” The answer was silent.

“ _No, never, I would never want such a thing.”_

“I meant for tonight, Charles.” Erik said, looking at him amused.

“Yes, of course, I knew that.” Charles answered and quickly dropped his head to get under the covers before Erik could see the heat coming to his cheeks. Charles’ heartbeat fastened when he saw Erik removing his shoes and shirt to crawl under the covers, last time he stayed _on_ it.

“I almost get a cold the other night, I’m not taking any risk. Why is it so cold in this room anyway?”

Charles just shrugged still amazed about how fast Erik had seen through him once again. Erik rest his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Charles looked at him for a while, he watched his face, in the dimly lit of the fire and he suddenly wanted to touch Erik’s eyelids, nose and cheeks with his fingertips to be sure to remember all his features. He then watched his chest rising and falling, just like last time and slowly, his own eyes were closing despite the fact that he wanted to stay awake.

  
  


Erik knew that Charles needed him, he _felt_ it. He wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t. Erik opened his eyes to see that Charles had fallen asleep. He had to look after him. He had never seen Charles like this. So young, so vulnerable, so fragile. Erik had barely slept for the last three days, he had to make sure his friend was alright, he couldn’t lose him. Sometimes, when he would fall asleep in the chair, Raven came to tell him to go to his room, that she could watch over him, but Erik had always refused, he just couldn’t leave Charles out of his sight. When he had seen his friend in this state, he felt all sorts of emotions. Anger was the strongest. He was angry at Charles for not telling him about the pills, but most importantly, he was angry at himself. He didn’t see anything. And instead of helping him, he had stayed away from him. He thought that Charles needed some time, but he was wrong, Charles _needed_ him.

The fire was out and Erik was staring at the dark ceiling when he felt Charles shifting in his sleep. From the poor light the moon was giving him, Erik could see all the features of his face, tensing under the pain, that he, himself, started to feel. He didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, but just like the last time, he took both Charles’ shoulders and shook until he woke up.

  
  


Charles woke up, shaken, afraid and lost and before he knew or realised who was the person in front of him, he just hugged them and cry. He knew it was ‘just’ a nightmare, but he needed something _real_ to hold on to. He needed someone from the real world to remind him he was alive, that he wasn’t alone.

“It’s ok Charles, it was just a nightmare, I’m here.” Charles heard the person whispering.

Those kind words - which he knew now were from Erik - made him feel a little better, but he only tightened his grip around Erik as if these minutes were the last they would ever have together. “ _I’m so sorry, I’m so pathetic.”_ Charles started to loosen his grip on Erik but, the other man kept his arms around Charles. Charles didn’t realise it, but he was projecting his feelings of fear and self-hatred to Erik, so Erik needed this embrace as much as he did.

“No you’re not Charles and please, don’t be too hard on yourself.” Erik’s voice sounded so calm in Charles’ ears that his heartbeat immediately started to slow down.

They broke apart after some time and Charles sat on the bed. He brought his knees to his chest to rest his head on it while Erik watched him, worry in his eyes.

“Don’t be so worried about me. I’m fine now.” Charles said without looking at Erik.

“Will you ever stop?” Erik said after he sighed.

“Stop what?” Charles asked turning his head to look into Erik’s eyes.

“Stop pretending like nothing happened, like everything is alright all the goddamn time? Don’t you ever get tired of this?” Charles didn’t say anything so he continued. “I’m glad that my presence next to you can help you, but you can’t keep everything to yourself all the time. It has to get out at some point you know. And if you don’t trust me enough, fine but find someone else to talk to because believe me, you won’t be able to live a proper life until you do.”

“I’m-”

“Please, don’t say you’re sorry.” Erik said in a whisper before Charles could finished.

Instead of saying anything else, Charles rested his head back on his knees and just looked at the covers on the bed. It almost scared him how Erik knew him so well. He heard footsteps, meaning Erik was leaving. He had to do something, Erik couldn’t leave, he needed him. More than anything.

“Wait I-” He started when Erik’s right hand reached the doorknob. “ _I’ll show you.”_

 


	4. Chapter 4

Erik wasn’t sure if he had heard the right thing or not. He let his hand on the doorknob until another hand touched his. Charles’ hand. Charles was now leading them back to the bed and they sat facing each other with their legs crossed. Erik saw that Charles was still nervous and unsure about doing this so he took his hands and tried to send him some encouraging thoughts. Charles looked up and Erik smiled at him, but only for a second since Charles had closed his eyes after meeting Erik’s. Slowly, Charles’ hands went up to Erik’s temples and Erik closed his eyes. He felt Charles’ hands shaking before a little shock went through his body and millions of pictures were going through his mind. It wasn’t the first time Charles did this to him but he still felt the same. The shock, the images. But this time it took longer for the images to become one and when they finally did Erik felt like he was in a dream. He knew that all of it wasn’t real that it wasn’t his memories or dreams, but when Charles was using his powers to show him things, he couldn’t think of anything but on what was happening before his eyes.

The images became one but they didn’t last long. Erik barely had the time to understand what was going on that another image came. He knew Charles was still reluctant in showing him everything - he felt it even - so he tried to tell Charles to go slower and he felt like the images were slowly going away. Not knowing if he was really doing it or not Erik tried to put his hands on Charles’ so that he could know that it was ok, that he was here for him. He felt a kind of relief and the images became clearer. The first scene was soundless and Erik only saw desolation. A building had been shattered to pieces. All around it, the grass was burned and there was someone standing in front of it. Then, it focused on what was, probably, the front door of the building and when Erik turned his head to the right he saw the person: Charles. He looked back at the building and realised it was the school. He wanted to slap himself for not seeing it before. _“Don’t worry I didn’t notice at first either.”_ He heard in the distance. Hearing Charles’ voice was something he needed without even knowing it. He felt lost and alone and hearing Charles comforted him. He knew it wasn’t really his feelings, but those of Charles watching the scene. He looked to his right to see Charles again and at this moment he wanted to hug him. He could see in the man’s eyes how lonely and devastated he feels while watching everything he had and worked for, down to the ground, but he also felt admiration to this man still standing even though everything had ended for him. Erik knew that if this would have happened to him, he wouldn’t be standing. He’d be on his knees and screaming, as if to show to the world how angry he was but Charles stood there, facing it and he thought it must take a lot of courage to be able to stay up after such an event. The image faded away to be replaced by another. It wasn’t clear enough for Erik to see even though he tried hard to concentrate, and he knew that was because Charles tried to block it. He waited a little bit, only seeing shadows until he heard his name and he knew. He knew that was the dream Charles had had when he came to him the other night. The one where Charles felt the despair, the end of all hope, as if everything had ended and he was the only one left. Erik became curious, he wanted - he _needed_ \- to know what happened to Charles in this dream. He tried to be calm in the hope that Charles would feel it and slowly the image became clearer and the first thing he saw literally broke his heart. Charles was on his knees, _crying_ , he was wearing his blue and yellow suit - which meant that he was on a mission. Before his vision got blurry on its own - even though Erik wasn’t physically _there_ \- he turned around to see what was causing his friend to cry and before anger took over his body, a shock went through him when he saw Sebastian Shaw standing in front of him. He wanted to destroy him again, to make him suffer, to take his time and slowly kill him. The man already hurt him a lot in the past and now he was hurting his friend? Erik wasn’t thinking straight anymore, he thought _he_ was there. He could bare his own pain but he couldn’t bare the pain his friend was going through. It was too much.

  
  


“I knew I shouldn’t have shown you this. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Charles said breaking the memory, before he got up to pace around the room. He was breathing heavily and needed time to be back to normal. He knew that was a mistake. He knew he shouldn’t have let Erik see all of this but it felt ok at the time, Erik was so understanding after the first nightmare he showed, but Shaw… that was too much for him. He couldn’t dare to look at Erik, he was still feeling his anger filling the air around them. The anger and the pain of the recent nightmare weren’t a good mix. He didn’t have the notion of time anymore everything was confused in his mind so, instinctively, Charles reached the whiskey bottle on the table next to the fireplace and pour the liquor in two glasses before handing one to Erik without looking at him. He took a sip and ran a hand through his hands. The drink burning his throat allowed him to think about something else. For a second only. He took a quick glance at Erik’s feelings and saw that his heart was beating a bit slower and the anger was fading away by seconds now.

They stayed in silence for a while and Charles realised that he didn’t cry like he thought he would after showing these “memories”. He had been really confused at first and he had thought about pretending it just didn’t work, that he had slept too much or something but Erik would have known. Even though he had said so, deep down, he didn’t want to show Erik anything, he was too afraid. So then, he had rushed it. He had showed him everything that came through his mind and _the_ dream came into this but Erik probably didn’t see anything since the images were going so fast.

“Are you ok?” Erik’s voice said, pulling Charles out of his train of thoughts.

“I don’t know. Better than I thought I would be, I guess. What about you?”

“I’m-I’m fine. I’m sorry I got angry like this it’s just…” Erik looked down and took a sip of the whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, it’s quite disturbing.” Charles said before sitting down next to Erik. “I’m sorry I showed you this, lots of things must have come back to you.” Charles said. In a way he was feeling much better and he didn’t know if it was because he had - finally - ‘tell’ someone about his dream or if it was about something else.

“Don’t apologize, my friend. After all, it’s me who asked about seeing this.”

“Fair point.” Charles said before finishing his glass.

  
  


Erik was still looking down at it, the liquor running in circles in the glass. He stayed quiet, lost in his thoughts, confused by what he had seen. It’s true that he had asked for it, but if he had known that he would have seen _him_ , maybe he wouldn’t have said the same thing. It’s like his enemy will never go. He will always be there to haunt him. Even after his death, like a ghost, ready to afraid people, at times where he is not expected. At the very second he had seen the man he despise the most in the world, Erik felt everything, all at once. His own memories coming back, his own _pain_ coming back, but also Charles’ pain and mostly, the anger.

  
  


Charles knew that his friend needed time and he blamed himself for showing him this. Because now, his friend was thinking, too much and too loud, about the past. A past Erik hasn’t thought of since Cuba, since Shaw _died_. Charles didn’t know what to say to make his friend feel better, to make him forget so he let him think and got up to put his glass on the table. When he turned around to look at Erik, he saw that the man’s lips were moving.

“I’m sorry?” Charles said because he knew his friend said something.

“Shaw…” Erik started before clearing his throat. “He is dead, right?”

Charles felt like an arrow went through his heart. The look Erik had when he looked at him saying this, broke his heart. The man was still obsessed and terrified at the same time by all these old memories coming back (when he thought he had forgotten them) and Charles was only blaming himself more and more. Charles got closer to his friend and removed the glass from between his hands.

“Yes. He is dead. Truly dead. Dead and gone. Forever.” Charles said looking into Erik’s eyes.

Erik let out a big sigh of relief as if he was realising that he was back to the real world. Yes, his enemy was dead. And all of this was just a _nightmare._ He felt so much better and so tired all of a sudden that he lay his head on Charles shoulder which actually made him feel even better. In this instant he felt like he needed to touch him to feel ok, to feel peaceful, to feel alive.

“Erik?” Charles said, slightly blushing, not knowing what his friend was doing.

“Thank you Charles,” Erik started, he had closed his eyes now. “Thank you for showing me these. I know it wasn’t easy for you. Thank you.”

“Oh. Ok.” Was all that Charles could answer. He was a little taken aback by this. Since he had showed Erik his nightmare, he was only blaming himself because he put his friend back in a state that he had forgotten, he brought back memories that only caused pain and memories full of deaths, but he was thanking him?

“I feel good around you, my friend. I feel _better_ when you’re around and honestly I get easily scared if I don’t see you or hear from you in a long time.” Erik confessed.

“Erik, are you drunk?” Charles’ cheek had turned a deep shade of red and his heart was pumping through his veins. He didn’t know what else to say, those words were so kind, so true and _full of love_?

“Come on Charles, you don’t believe me?” Erik said removing his head from Charles shoulders to look at him in his blue eyes.

“Y-Yes of course I believe you. It’s just that- It’s just, I don’t know, you don’t say these kind of words very often.” Charles was confused by Erik’s words and he knew that Erik could see that his cheeks were bright red. He suddenly felt like a teenager and he couldn’t look at Erik in his eyes. Erik took Charles’ left hand in his and started to play with his fingers.

“I really admire you Charles. You’re such a kind hearted man, always full of hope and always showing a smile even though you’re not ok and I kind of hate you for this by the way.” Charles thought that his heart was going to explode. Erik never told him that before. “But I’m also jealous that you can hide your feelings like this because I can’t. I can’t keep everything to myself, it always has to get out somehow and sometimes it can go out _badly_. But you helped me to manage this and sometimes I feel like I will never be able to say thank you for everything you did for me. Even the simple fact of _believing_ in me. You were the first one, in a very long time to actually trust me, at a time where I shouldn’t be trusted. You changed me Charles. And in a better way. So I wanted to thank you. And I know you want to do this with everybody, but it’s a lot to handle so I also wanted you to know that I’m here and that I will gladly help you and support you in everything that you do. Because you saved me, I owe you.”

“I-” Charles started to say, but couldn’t continue. He felt like his voice would be to shaky from the emotions so instead he tightened his grip on Erik’s hand. He thought that only the rhythm of his beating heart could be heard in the room. They both raised their head to look into each other’s eyes.

“I, um, also saw something else... before all the nightmares started…” Charles said as he got a little closer to Erik, confidence taking over him.

“Yeah, show me.” They both didn’t notice that Erik actually whispered.

“But I’m afraid it would change our relationship. I don’t want you to think that I manipulated you,” Charles said whispering too, still looking into Erik’s eyes.

“I trust you Charles and I know it won’t change anything. Not in a bad way anyway.”

Charles almost felt like Erik knew what he was about to do. He slowly put his hand on Erik’s temple just like a few minutes ago - which felt more like hours now - and Erik closed his eyes waiting for the images to come. But instead of seeing, he _felt_. Nothing, everything. All at once. He felt soft lips on his, a taste of whiskey, the power of the contact - almost electric - of Charles’ hand on his face, his heart beating so fast he thought it was about to get out of his chest. He felt the need, the relief, the hope, the fireworks. Erik put his hands on Charles’ face too, kept his eyes closed and kissed Charles in return. He felt him smile in the kiss and the feeling coming from his stomach started to go up. It was so much that he almost asked himself if he was the one who felt this or if he was also feeling Charles’ feelings at the same time. They broke apart before they both thought they would explode from the inside and Erik was the first one to see the red on Charles’ cheek, but also the smile he had. It was worth everything in the world. _His_ smile. As if he was seeing it for the first time in forever, Erik couldn’t help but let his right hand fall onto Charles’ cheek slowly going around Charles’ lips with his thumb. Despite the smile, Erik felt like Charles wanted to apologise for what happened, but why would he? He liked this as much as he did, right?

Charles couldn’t believe what just happened and is still happening. Did he just kissed Erik and did Erik just kissed him back? He thought that maybe Erik felt “forced” to do it, only in his wildest dreams would Erik feel the same as he Charles did for him. And now the look in Erik’s eyes, the smile on his face, his thumb on his lips. Charles wanted to kiss him again, to hug him, to never let him go. Charles closed his eyes and leaned into Erik’s hand.

“ _You look so young, so fragile and so strong at the same time. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”_ Charles’ heart jumped when he heard Erik’s words so surprised that his friend was feeling the same towards him. He opened his eyes and he took Erik in his arms as a gesture to thank him for everything.

“ _I never want you to go, Erik. I can’t stand being away from you. I need to_ feel _you close to me. Erik, I- I love you.”_

Charles got scared and confused when Erik stopped the hug to look at him. Has he gone to far? He was certain that he loved Erik but did Erik love him? Erik wasn’t saying anything so Charles got a little scared until he saw Erik’s face coming closer, still looking into his blue eyes. Soon, their breath were melting and their lips touching when Erik’s hand find its way to Charles neck, slowly going through his hair. Once again, Charles felt like he was going to explode when he felt Erik’s tongue on his lips, seeking for an entrance. It didn’t take long for Charles to open his lips a little to let their tongue melt as if they were one, to get closer than they already were. They broke apart and, their eyes still closed, forehead against one another, Charles heard a distant “ _I love you too, my friend”_ over the sound of his beating heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I always suck at endings but it felt kinda weird to go further so here you have a cheesy ending.


End file.
